Le sigh...

So in the past few months this happened.

As well as...

Walking to the grocery store I came across a group of boys probably 13 years old and as they caught a glimpse of me me the usual phrases came out "hostia", "madre mia" then... "ahi va Moby Dick. Proceed to try to ignore along same road come across another group of boys a familiar routine essentially since middle school "oh there goes your girlfriend" "ugh hell no" Finally make it to the grocery store and then another probably about 10 years old is following me trying to sneakily take pictures from afar. When I finally notice that's what he's doing I stop look him in the eyes with a "what are you doing/what do you want" look and he goes away.

On my way to another grocery store trip I pass a group of kids that say "ahi va la gorda de ingles" (there goes the fat English teacher) and while waiting in line to pay for my groceries an elderly woman whispers to her husband "look she's actually eating salad"

 Let's not leave all of the fat shaming to the small town Spaniards...  While standing in front of a restaurant in London (shout out to the English speakers!) deciding if my friend and I should have dinner there, a complete stranger passing by said "Stop eating!!" While looking at some clothes in a store in Rome, the old lady that worked there made a point to come up and tell me "Those are one size only!!" (y que?!)

Walking home behind a group teenage boys...when rounding the corner one catches a glimpse of me and mumbles something to his friends. Then like dominoes they each turn around to take a look at me as I turn left and they carry on I hear the word 'enorme'

Walking home from the grocery store two little girls roughly 8 or 9 years old at the first glimpse of me burst into hysterical laughter (cackling that could be heard all along the empty streets of the main road during lunch time) pulling out there phones to take pictures, when I stopped and said "que pasa" they just looked at me like I'm far too busy being out of breath from continuing to laugh and snap pictures of you face.

Walking home about a block from my house a little boy is walking this dog with his mom just a few steps ahead of me. the boy gets a glimpse of me and tells his mom nervously "There's a monster following us" The only thing the mom says to the boy is "Don't worry, just keep walking"

I am not going to say that I have been unaffected by this because that would be a lie. After all of these incidences I still can't gain the understanding of how people can be like that. My child wasn't even that cruel and I had the nickname Caty-Faty (oh gotta love family) And some people might say well Cathy if you lost some weight then you could avoid unpleasant encounters such as the ones you are telling us about. But that is besides the point. I'm never going to be "supermodel" skinny and even then I'm sure mean people will find other things to be mean about. So being bullied into losing weight is not really my style.

I am not blind to the fact that I'm overweight, but I am totally mostly sometimes comfortable in my own skin, but however i decide to go about that is no one's concern much less their entertainment. There are definite days where i feel like I'm a circus animal, not cause of me but cause of them. It's me versus them . They started a game but on most days I feel like it's one where everybody loses. :-/

7 Things I've Missed While Abroad

So our new Reader Spotlight Miriam wrote this blog entry based off of a Huffington Post article, and I decided to jump on the bandwagon. So here are my 7 (in no particular order).

1. Not having to think too hard about what time it is when I want to call someone. 

The difference between Madrid and home is a whopping 9 hour time difference. So it can get a bit annoying when I want to call my mom when I get home from work, but it's 5am. Or I get a phone call from my best friend but it's 3am so I missed it. Also dealing with "business" things like calling about student loans and the like around 11pm in a noisy apartment doesn't make for the best either.

2. Being able to take out the trash whenever I'd like/need to

Spain as far as I've seen has got a bit more of a handle on the whole waste scene, with recycling bins everywhere to separate cardboard/glass/plastic/waste. The thing is you can only throw away your trash at a certain time. For my building they don't take out the trash bins until around 8pm til about 12am. Monday-Friday. So if I get a burst of energy to clean and get the dirt out around 3pm, I'm out of luck. The trash stays in the house. Or if I get home late from a long day, once I get in and get comfy, I have to go out again just for the trash. Boo.

3.  Ross

This wonderful store that has been the leader in my retail therapy meanderings for a while now. Lots of cute things for decent prices, and in sizes that fit more than just my 2 year old niece. And to add to it, I miss shopping the way I used to, I'm kind of scared to do too much shopping here because of the suitcases I'm going to have to pack when I'm finally going home.

4. Being able to do laundry in a Day

If you're like me, and procrastinate immensely on getting your laundry done, that huge pile of clothes can be intimidating. Set aside one day to do a handful of rounds of washing, 45 minutes in the washer, 20 in the dryer, fold put away, and you're set for the next month!! (lol) Here in Spain with no dryers...great for less energy consumption...for my clothes, not so much. Hanging clothes to dry on a line takes significantly longer, making time in between loads greater, and living in a house with 4 other people, that time can be precious.

5. Home Cooked Meals

Nothing beats having a warm plate of delicious food prepared by a dear family member. Carne asada, arroz, pupusas, tamales, pasteles, caldo de pollo, carne guisado, or a turkey sandwich. It's all good in the neighborhood. <3

6. More Crosswalks with Traffic Signals

I've been a bit of a scaredy cat my whole life, so having to cross a big street with lots of cars on a crosswalk with no traffic signal is a bit problematic for me. Trusting that the car coming at you is going to stop just because you have the right of way is never easy. Sometimes you gotta do it though because you'll either get looked at like an idiot for waiting for cars to cross, or wait forever. I usually wait until someone else shows up so in case someone is going to get hit, I'm not leading the charge jaja!

7. Family and Friends

This really goes without saying... but with so much going on back home the people are what I really miss the most. My niece is talking up a storm, nephews and cousins playing baseball and soccer, friends getting married, graduating, getting together and having a good time, all while I'm 6,000 miles away.

Perhaps this wasn't the best idea now that the fact that I'll probably be separated from my loved ones for at least 2 years, but I have a lot going on here for me too. It's great to have good things all around the world. 

Fellow expats- What are your 7? Feel free to link up or share in the comment section!

Much love,

Cathy

To Be Continued...

Well this posts title can be attached a number of ideas. The first being, I've left you all hanging for a while now without a REAL update on what's going on in La Vida de Cathy, so stay tuned...

Life in Spain has been a roller coaster, countless times have I just sat and thought, "Is this really happening?" I've climbed social mountains, health mountains, housing mountains, and much to my surprise professional mountains as well. 

Just as I was on the rise of enthusiasm with my experience here, I was hit with an atomic bomb, that I was not wanted at my school for the upcoming year, just before having to super glue a smile to my face in front of 20 adolescents and keep them excited about their progress in English. I allowed myself the cry a river on the bus ride home, then put my game face on. Up until that moment, I had not been sure about my stay here since it had been so rocky, but in time it took for me to realize that staying might not be an option, my gut told me that's what I wanted to do. I went to talk to the people I needed to talk to, but to no reward, it was only in the hands of those who I work under. So after gathering a support team, highlighted all of the regulations I needed in my corner, I went and pleaded my case. Even if they didn't keep me at the same school, it was a death sentence (okay, so I'm a little dramatic) to keep me out of the entire program. Perseverance paid off and I was able to get the papers I needed in order to renew my contract here in Spain. In order to get what I wanted though I had to send everything to the office where you change regions, essentially meaning I wouldn't be in Madrid, in theory. I banked on the the inefficiency of the system, that because I had preferenced Madrid on my application, and it has the most positions in all of Spain that the odds were in my favor to stay, but I wouldn't know that for sure until I got my letter. And the waiting game begins. 

A few weeks after the deadline to turn in the application all of my auxiliar friends in Madrid had received their Madrid placement emails. My inbox was still empty. A bit disheartening, but not all hope lost. I continued to wait as the facebook wall of the Auxiliares group was filling with posts about placements. 

One afternoon as I got comfortable in my room after a long day of teaching, there it was, as sly and unexpected as can be, my email from the ministry of education. I held my breath and clicked on the link, and in that moment I saw my outsmarting had worked. I received a placement for MADRID for next school year!!! I didn't know what to do with myself. For what seems like soo long (2 months) my future was hanging by a thread and now the biggest weight was off my shoulders. I have something to work toward, a goal to upkeep.

This news brought me to looking for tickets home for the summer to go and see my family and friends who I miss incredibly (Yes, I miss you incredibly). Unfortunately, tickets to go home for summer are looking right around $1100 to $1500, a very depressing sight. And with nothing secure here in Spain, it was even more depressing. Too poor to live in Spain, and too poor to go home. AHH! Talk about between a rock and a hard place. The summer job I had sort of been counting on fell through, and I played around with applying at camps, and/or otherwise racking up massive credit card debt and be poor at home. 

Well today my email graced me once again with some good news. I got hired to teach at a summer camp for the month of July, with not a bad salary. Unfortunately, it's not enough to send me laughing all the way to the airline counter, but things should be a little easier for the beginning of next school year. Which brings me to why this news is bittersweet. It's the realization that I am probably not going to go home for the summer (never say never...but...). It is also the realization that it may well be until NEXT summer that I get to be home. I know what you're thinking... Cathy you're living your dream, stop complaining. I know this, I just can't help, but think about my parents, and my sister who is going to be getting married!!, and my babies back home,  and my friends. 2 years just seems like a really long time. Either way I know I am blessed to have such great opportunities and people around the globe, and I appreciate them all and know how fast any of them can not be an option. So ending the pity party, and wrapping up this post. 

Lots of things to look forward to, putting on that smile and doing it. Some great posts about trips and events around Madrid, as well as more writing of articles. For now you can go check out the poetry explosion on my other blog (videos soon to come). Thanks for reading, and sticking with me y'all. We're still on the ride. 

-@CathyArely 

Picture Source: Google.com 

Self Censored

Hey Hey all,

 As usual I'll start my blog off with an apology for being away longer than expected, but I really am trying to make this a project that doesn't get forgotten or left behind as the mountains of diaries or previous blogs have in the past. 

 When I first started the idea of blogging I had the idea that it was going to be kind of like a diary...keeper of my thoughts and day to day activities. What I've come to realize is that with a blog you can't really say or write everything that you want. In a day and age where the things you put on the internet can affect your future prospects there are lots of things that get left out, but more than just censoring professionally inappropriate things (not that I should worry that much about it, I am La Angelita after all...jajaj just kidding), I realize that there are thoughts, that although they may be good for the entertainment purposes of this blog. Certain stories or opinions I have to share aren't meant to fall upon all ears (or eyes, I guess).

  I mean if I wanted to talk about how bad of a time I had at a certain person's party, or how certain people's decisions are cruel and life-altering, or how someone is a horrible wingman, or the deetz of a potentially budding love story that started in a beach town or big city. 

What if the people involved were to read those things and think I'm a horrible person for saying them? 

What if people don't really want stories about them on my blog? 

What if what I think/say gets thrown back at me for some reason?

It's questions like these that stop me from writing some potentially good blog posts, or keep me from going into further detail on certain aspects. Obviously this isn't going to keep me from writing, or keep me from posting interesting things that happen in my life, it just means I'm thinking about being careful AND if you're ever REALLY interested in more details of something questions about the things I write please feel free to tell me. Shoot me your email in the comment section or hit me up on facebook, I won't be shy. 

Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts on this!!

 Look out for upcoming posts about Valencia and Spring Break!

<3 Cathy

We Are Not Invincible

Hey all,

Unfortunately the motivation that I have for coming and writing this blog is not one of joy, or excitement, or laughter. I'm here to share my thoughts and feelings after something very tragic happened this weekend.

A young man, loved by many, passed away. Taken away from those who love him far to early, leaving behind heavy hearts and wonderful memories. I didn't know this young man personally, but his story hits close to home. Not only because this tragedy happened in Rosamond, my very small home town, but because of the circumstances.

The connection I have with this young man lies with one very special person, my sister Lilly. Brett Wallis was 19 years old, and a diabetic. My sister is 19 years old, and a diabetic. From what I am told the reason for Brett's passing is because his sugar went too low during his sleep. When my sister gave me the news this Sunday, barely being able to speak tears down her face, my heart sunk. My sister has lived with diabetes since she was 7 years old, and Brett was one of the few people who could relate to her experiences. Any family who has had to deal with this, knows it's an emotional roller coaster.

It's unfortunate moments such as this that make us reflect and realize that we are not invincible. We are here on Earth for an amount of time, and we can't get an extension, or the chance to really say goodbye to the ones we love.

Which leaves me with an uneasy feeling as I prepare to be 5,792 miles away from those I cherish most. I know I can't be scared to go out and live my life, but I know now I will be saying I love you more often, and holding on a little longer when I give a hug. Skype is going to be my best friend next year.

My apologies to those reading this for my lack of coherency and semantic beauty (haha) that generally accompany my posts, but I just needed to write.

My heart and deepest condolences go out to the Wallis family.

RIP Brett <3

~Cat

Nothing in Life is Free

I hadn't realized how long it has been since my last posting, not a great start for someone who wants to blog regularly, but I guess life (and by life i mean school) has taken the fast lane, with far and few stops in between.

These past few weeks have been pretty overwhelming with 6 classes, a part time job, being president of 2 organizations (each with its own dynamics and deficiencies, I've been trying really hard to find the balance I need. The motivation that even though I'm exhausted (mentally and physically) to still keep on and finish that reading assignment for the next class that is going to come much too quickly. Slowly but surely it's coming to me, but this final year of undergrad is definitely whipping me into better shape than I intended.

I sometimes find myself pondering why I jump through these hoops and make life a little more complicated, but I know that is the exact thing that is going to make me come out on top and be a better person. I tried the simple route before and all that came of it was a bored and depressed Cathy. So no more limits just reaching for the sky.

So many new doors have opened to ideas that I hadn't totally considered, but are looking more like possible realities. I'm applying to go to Spain as an ambassador for next year then looking for universities to do my Masters Degree there, but if that doesn't work out perhaps I'll go for Teach for America, or something else that has recently more clearly come into my sight is Law School. After a fantabulous banquet/ awesome networking opportunity I went to this is may be a feasible option for me. Not knowing exactly what is going to go on in my life is kind scary but I guess in that lies the adventure.

To those who have judged me and think I'm living the easy life, it may be time to put on your glasses and realize that nothing in life is free, and though I have been fortunate I have earned my place.

Until next time (hopefully sooner than later)...

<3 Cat

~Comments are always appreciated~ :)

A New Start

Hey Everyone

So it's been a while since I've kept up a blog, so i figure with a new start, it'll motivate me to keep track of everything that goes on. It's the beginning of the end of my undergraduate career at CSUN. I'm President of University Ambassadors and LUCIA(Spanish Club). Double major in Spanish and Liberal Studies (Elementary Education).

So I hope you join me on this journey, with all my thoughts, feelings, opinions, and adventures through this time as I wrap up this chapter and figure out what the next one is.

So as I write this I'm laying on my bed in my room in my APARTMENT (not dorm) just excited for what's to come.

As of this moments I'm going to try my best to leave my insecurities at the door. I know I am a strong gringa-latina woman with an incredible future ahead of me if I so choose for it to be that way.

So look out real world Cathy Smith (yes I'm a latina with THAT last name) is inching closer to taking you over.

Much love
~Cat

P/S: Comments are always greatly appreciated :)