Showing posts with label Scared. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Scared. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

To Be Continued...

Well this posts title can be attached a number of ideas. The first being, I've left you all hanging for a while now without a REAL update on what's going on in La Vida de Cathy, so stay tuned...

Life in Spain has been a roller coaster, countless times have I just sat and thought, "Is this really happening?" I've climbed social mountains, health mountains, housing mountains, and much to my surprise professional mountains as well. 


Just as I was on the rise of enthusiasm with my experience here, I was hit with an atomic bomb, that I was not wanted at my school for the upcoming year, just before having to super glue a smile to my face in front of 20 adolescents and keep them excited about their progress in English. I allowed myself the cry a river on the bus ride home, then put my game face on. Up until that moment, I had not been sure about my stay here since it had been so rocky, but in time it took for me to realize that staying might not be an option, my gut told me that's what I wanted to do. I went to talk to the people I needed to talk to, but to no reward, it was only in the hands of those who I work under. So after gathering a support team, highlighted all of the regulations I needed in my corner, I went and pleaded my case. Even if they didn't keep me at the same school, it was a death sentence (okay, so I'm a little dramatic) to keep me out of the entire program. Perseverance paid off and I was able to get the papers I needed in order to renew my contract here in Spain. In order to get what I wanted though I had to send everything to the office where you change regions, essentially meaning I wouldn't be in Madrid, in theory. I banked on the the inefficiency of the system, that because I had preferenced Madrid on my application, and it has the most positions in all of Spain that the odds were in my favor to stay, but I wouldn't know that for sure until I got my letter. And the waiting game begins. 

A few weeks after the deadline to turn in the application all of my auxiliar friends in Madrid had received their Madrid placement emails. My inbox was still empty. A bit disheartening, but not all hope lost. I continued to wait as the facebook wall of the Auxiliares group was filling with posts about placements. 




One afternoon as I got comfortable in my room after a long day of teaching, there it was, as sly and unexpected as can be, my email from the ministry of education. I held my breath and clicked on the link, and in that moment I saw my outsmarting had worked. I received a placement for MADRID for next school year!!! I didn't know what to do with myself. For what seems like soo long (2 months) my future was hanging by a thread and now the biggest weight was off my shoulders. I have something to work toward, a goal to upkeep.

This news brought me to looking for tickets home for the summer to go and see my family and friends who I miss incredibly (Yes, I miss you incredibly). Unfortunately, tickets to go home for summer are looking right around $1100 to $1500, a very depressing sight. And with nothing secure here in Spain, it was even more depressing. Too poor to live in Spain, and too poor to go home. AHH! Talk about between a rock and a hard place. The summer job I had sort of been counting on fell through, and I played around with applying at camps, and/or otherwise racking up massive credit card debt and be poor at home. 

Well today my email graced me once again with some good news. I got hired to teach at a summer camp for the month of July, with not a bad salary. Unfortunately, it's not enough to send me laughing all the way to the airline counter, but things should be a little easier for the beginning of next school year. Which brings me to why this news is bittersweet. It's the realization that I am probably not going to go home for the summer (never say never...but...). It is also the realization that it may well be until NEXT summer that I get to be home. I know what you're thinking... Cathy you're living your dream, stop complaining. I know this, I just can't help, but think about my parents, and my sister who is going to be getting married!!, and my babies back home,  and my friends. 2 years just seems like a really long time. Either way I know I am blessed to have such great opportunities and people around the globe, and I appreciate them all and know how fast any of them can not be an option. So ending the pity party, and wrapping up this post. 

Lots of things to look forward to, putting on that smile and doing it. Some great posts about trips and events around Madrid, as well as more writing of articles. For now you can go check out the poetry explosion on my other blog (videos soon to come). Thanks for reading, and sticking with me y'all. We're still on the ride. 

-@CathyArely 

Picture Source: Google.com 

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Self Censored

Hey Hey all,

 As usual I'll start my blog off with an apology for being away longer than expected, but I really am trying to make this a project that doesn't get forgotten or left behind as the mountains of diaries or previous blogs have in the past. 

 When I first started the idea of blogging I had the idea that it was going to be kind of like a diary...keeper of my thoughts and day to day activities. What I've come to realize is that with a blog you can't really say or write everything that you want. In a day and age where the things you put on the internet can affect your future prospects there are lots of things that get left out, but more than just censoring professionally inappropriate things (not that I should worry that much about it, I am La Angelita after all...jajaj just kidding), I realize that there are thoughts, that although they may be good for the entertainment purposes of this blog. Certain stories or opinions I have to share aren't meant to fall upon all ears (or eyes, I guess).

  I mean if I wanted to talk about how bad of a time I had at a certain person's party, or how certain people's decisions are cruel and life-altering, or how someone is a horrible wingman, or the deetz of a potentially budding love story that started in a beach town or big city. 

What if the people involved were to read those things and think I'm a horrible person for saying them? 
What if people don't really want stories about them on my blog? 
What if what I think/say gets thrown back at me for some reason?

It's questions like these that stop me from writing some potentially good blog posts, or keep me from going into further detail on certain aspects. Obviously this isn't going to keep me from writing, or keep me from posting interesting things that happen in my life, it just means I'm thinking about being careful AND if you're ever REALLY interested in more details of something questions about the things I write please feel free to tell me. Shoot me your email in the comment section or hit me up on facebook, I won't be shy. 



Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts on this!!

 Look out for upcoming posts about Valencia and Spring Break!

<3 Cathy

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Butterflies

Today is the day that I have been anticipating for a long time... I received my visa in the mail. There it is, stuck to a page on my passport ready for me to take to Europe and embark on this adventure that awaits me. The only thing is, things didn't really happen the way I've imagined them going down. 

All I've thought about is ripping open that envelope and pulling out my visa, the official approval for me to go to Spain. Today I got that envelope, and all I could feel were the butterflies in my tummy bouncing around telling me "Cathy this is really happening, you're going to Spain. Leaving for a 10 month minimum with the possibility of not returning for up to 3 years or ever (okay maybe that was an exaggeration...lol)."

But it still stands, I didn't run around screaming YAAAY! As I thought I would when this day came, instead I sort of find myself semi-retreating from the whole idea. Of course this doesn't mean I'm not going to go, it just means that I feel all of this is coming a little quicker than I anticipated. Don't get me wrong I know this is the opportunity of a life time, and many are jealous/proud that I am able to do so, but part of me at the moment is going " WAIT! WAIT! I really have to go? But I still need to find a place to live, and figure out a commute to work, and figure out how I'm gonna survive til my first paycheck" All things that will resolve themselves once I'm in Madrid, but alas I've always said telling me not to worry is like throwing a pebble at brick wall and expecting it to collapse. lol

If all goes as I want it to, and I get the flight that I want, I'll only have 3 more weeks with my loved ones, and I guess I haven't sufficiently prepared for that goodbye. That time is going to fly by like the blink of an eye and in a few more entries I'll be talking about my flight was and the feeling of landing in Europe. I guess it'll all stay surreal til then...

I know at least some of the other auxilares are feeling slightly the same way as our start date is inching near. Facebook has been a great way to connect us all and share our experiences. It was even the motivation for my to up and "pimp" my blog lol. 

I'm still excited to go on this adventure, just gotta deal with a few butterflies <3

Hasta Luegito,

~Cat