#YesAllWomen... Even Me

When the #YesAllWomen hashtag started going around after the Isla Vista shootings, I read the stories and agreed that it's appalling the kind of bullshit that is going on in our society, and even though there were some stories that I could relate to I still felt kind of outside of the bubble for some reason because there were far worse things in the world than what I could personally attest to. There was still kind of a disconnect between what could happen to women and what could happen to ME. It's weird I know guess I'm still having trouble putting that kind of feeling into words. But after being sexually assaulted by 2 men in the metro last week I think I found many more words to say. 

I was on the metro/subway/underground (whichever word you prefer to use) leaving a coffee date with one friend to go meet up for an early dinner with another. As I was about to board I noticed there was a seat open, but there was also an elderly man boarding at the same time and I wasn't going to be a jerk and take the seat so I stood at the back corner of the metro against the wall. To my surprise the elderly man (looking about 80 fragile looking huge glasses and hearing aide) decided to stand against the door. Rode along a few stops and just like normal in the evening rush hour more and more people entered one of which was an African man who stood at the other pole against the door next to the old man. When this happened the older man started to move way from the door and sort of stand in front of me still holding on to the pole. My first thought was "Racist bastard" since in my experience and that of others it's not surprising to find that kind of behavior in the country. 

Then the old man put his hand on my leg. At first I'm like okay there's a lot of people not the best balance it happens just trying to not fall down, I moved over a bit and brushed his hand away. After a bit his hand made it's way back to my leg  and a bit closer to a more private area. I'm trying to move away from him but at this point the metro is packed and the girl next to me against the wall is getting irritated I'm pushing up against her more. I try moving his hand away, I say perdona (excuse me) and try to move him away and get away from him but I'm against the wall and at this point I brush his hand away, but he puts it right back where he wants it and starts rubbing me. I'm in such shock and disbelief at whats happening and feeling like no escape. I feel like if I yell at him, he's just a frail old man and the no one would believe me because of my beastly appearance I've been reminded of time and time again. Also making a scene could draw attention to  my immigration status at the moment and that's definitely not a problem I want to deal with. Looking back now all of those reasons are silly but just the feeling of terror and disbelief just didn't allow me to react at all. 

While I was trying to dodge and get away from the old man, the African man touches my hand that's holding on to the pole for balance (since we all know I don't really have any) and he nods over to me with a "what's up you wanna hook up look" I just say try not to look at him, try swatting the old man away try to move over all at the same time, he keeps touching my hand to get my attention, so I move it to the bottom of the pole but he's still trying to talk to me so for the infinite 2 minutes to get to my stop I let of the bar hope I don't fall try to get this old man off of me and just avoid eye contact with everyone. 

My stop finally arrives I bolt out and just want to go and meet my friend. I hear the African guy calling after me "Guapa!" On the escalator he catches up to me and "Guapa what's your name?" I just keep repeating no. He asks where I"m going, and I reply to meet a friend then he says "Eres muy bonita" (You're very pretty) and smacks my ass. I just scream "Dejeme an paz" (Leave me alone!) and run the rest of the way. 

These kinds of incidences or worse happen every day all the time all over the world. It's really disheartening that we live in a time where we can say "Our society is misogynistic, racist, homophobic etc.... " and the response just generally falls into "That sucks, but that's the way it is, it's so ingrained we can't change it"

What sucks is that I feel guilty for not protecting myself better. What sucks is that it feels strange saying I was sexually assaulted because it wasn't violent, but I was sexually assaulted. What sucks is that when friends told me that I should report it I didn't want to for fear I'd be laughed out of the police station. What sucks is that it's probably not the last time this or something similar will happen to me or someone I know, or someone I don't know. 

#YesAllWomen have to deal with this kind of bullshit... even me.

There's Always A Story- Puente~ing- Cáceres

Lucky for me last weekend brought on another puente since I work in Madrid center and have Mondays off. A sudden change of plans from Valencia to Alicante, and finally the decision was made to trek to Extremadura and spend the weekend in Cáceres.

It hadn't really occured to me before to visit this regions on top of every where else, but it seemed to work out the best and my hermana Nelly was really interested in going to see the land where many of the conquistadors came from, so we bought our tickets, booked the room, and were on our way.

Coming back from a packed weekend in the Basque Country, and heading full swing into a week of work, private classes, rehearsals, and having a semi-social life, by the time Thursday came around I was exhausted and this break was exactly what I needed. All I had to do was make it there and everything would be fine.... apparently for me, this is easier said than done. Thursday night came, and my clothes were still needing to dry on the line, which meant I needed to pack them in the morning before leaving for my 8am bus. So I set my alarm for 6am, this way I could shower and be fresh for the bus ride, and then pack my suitcase (hoping not to forget anything like i had the previous weekend. Well I had woken up naturally at 5:45, so I decided I could indulge in those last 15 minutes (always a big mistake).  The next time I opened my eyes, I had the strange sensation that I was just a bit too comfortable in my bed and looked and it was already 6:50! Desperately needing to shower I raced off and got everything together as quickly as i could, and headed to the bus station still a good 35 minutes away. Much to my dismay when I got to the metro the digital sign lit up and displayed the next train would arrive in 6 minutes!! (Darn you holiday schedule!!) While on the train I texted Nelly panicked thinking that I really wasn't going to make it, and when I got to my transfer my heart fell when i saw the other train would arrive also in 6 minutes. Finally arriving to the bus station, I bolted off the train and ran up the stairs only one flight away from the bus, and I get the text message "We just pulled out :("

Story of my life...

My heart sank, and I slowly headed over to the ticket office trying to see if I could sulkily get the guy working at booth to let me trade my ticket for a later one. When it was no go, I told him fine let me get on the next bus and surprisingly it was at 9am!! Such a relief because I thought the next one was at noon, which would have thrown off everything! So I called Nelly to tell her the plan, and we were only slightly off schedule.

For the first half of the ride I knocked out in my window seat only waking up occasionally to a view just outside of Madrid that seemed a bit mediocre after having come from the lush green of the north the previous weekend. My knees were crushed because the people in front of me decided that they wanted to recline their seats all the way back. I decided not to say anything because of a near fight that broke out for the same reason when my sister came to visit me on our trip to Málaga.

As scheduled we had a 20 minute break at a rest stop in the middle of nowhere, where people go and buy overpriced snacks and head for the bathroom. I got off the bus to stretch my legs, leaving my backpack in my seat since I was just oustide of the bus I could see who was getting in and out of it. When I got back on the bus I noticed the people that the people who were sitting around me before had gotten off and were replaced by a group of elderly people.

When I got to my seat the old lady across from me on the other side of the bus said "That seat is already reserved, head to the back." Being that it was my backpack there, I was confused and still sleepy I guess, and in return from my confused expression she repeats again "You have to go to the back" I tell her it's my bag there and she says no and continues to insist that I need to go the back. Another lady who is sitting in front the older woman came to my defense and said "Well that´s where she was sitting before..." I take my seat and try to pay no mind to the crazy sour faced old woman as she's having a conversation with the first lady insisting I shouldn't be sitting there because "someone's" bag is there. The other woman reminds her that I told her it was my bag, and then the older lady replies "Pues la negrita solo pudo haber dicho que era suyo" (The black girl could have just said that it was hers...)

Umm... wait... what??

All I said in response to her is "estas muy equivocada señora" (you're very wrong ma'am), and then went to replay the incident in my head the rest of the ride. As outraged as I was by the incredibly racist remark the lady made, I didn't have the energy to argue and escalate the scene, and quite frankly I knew it wasn't going to go anywhere. Even though this isn't entirely applicable to everything I think the phrase "You can't teach an old dog new tricks" may come into play here.I knew if I got in her face this woman would probably just reinforce whatever negative she thoughts she has in that closed mind of hers. After talking to my co-workers I also realize part of why I didn't say anything is because really when it's happening you're just in shock that someone could be that way. I mean even the fact that I'm not black is beside the point, she could have said gordita, alta, bruta, it would have all come off as offensive. It was an expensive 40 minutes to sleep in... Oh society, we still have a ways to go...

I didn't let the totally rain on my parade... even though it did rain throughout the weekend (again). I met Nelly and we were shown to our tiny room with an incredibly comfortable bed, and then we ventured off to try to find lunch. We got some recommendations from friends and fellow auxiliares, so we went looking for a good spot recommended by a native of Cáceres. The restaurant was in the medieval city, so we climbed and trekked only to be told that the restaurant was closing. (Oh Spain!). So we went looking elsewhere for food, only to find that EVERYTHING was shut down after lunch... even the kebap place!! I guess in Madrid we're spoiled and don't truly experience siesta. This left Nelly and I only to eat the snacks we had brought for our long bus ride, and hold out until dinner.

For dinner we tried to head to the same place, but we headed in to early and it didn't look like they were ready to serve so we went another route. Saturday we went to the centro commercial "mall" that we had scene on our taxi ride from the bus station, only to find that it was a very sad selection of places to shop...I was looking for a jacket since I only brought a hoodie in the midst of my rushed packing, and luckily roaming the streets I found a great one! (Love retail therapy!)

Most of the rest of the time we spent wandering through the old city, taking pictures with several size doors, taking a look at what the people looked at before they made their voyage to America. We searched for Moctezuma's Palace, only to be extremely disappointed that it looked just the same like everything else, and it was closed.

Definitely a nice weekend!

Ciudad Medieval

Thanks for reading!
~Cathy

Labels

In the chaos
We seek neatness and order

We create borders and categories

Everything has a place or a label

So we are able to be organized

Not realizing those who are victimized

By being itemized into the big picture.

If a pen made it into a box of pencils,

It wouldn't be the end of the world,

But what if it were a girl?

Does she lose her identity 

Because society can't see her as an individual?

Where dual roles hardly exist

And people can't resist

The urge to criticize, idolize, and disguise all the wrong things

Brown skin is Mexican

Almond eyes are Chinese

Unable to seize control over perception of people's misconceptions.

"So it's a tiny mistake," they say.

A mistake that erases the traces of what makes people who they are.

Leaving scars on the souls unseen.

Sometimes the way people think becomes the reality

Instead of bitter

Let's go for better

Educate

Create the dialogue

Get out of the fog

The world is more complex than you think.

Hey Everyone,

       The poem above was inspired by a conversation posed in one of the auxiliar facebook groups I'm a part of., in where some people thought it was okay to use as "just a descriptor" the word chino for Asian. It bugged me, and therefore I went to work to express it with pen and paper (and now laptop and internet).

      I'll be the first to say that I am not perfect. I don't always say the right thing. I laugh at times at things other people may not find funny, but I guess it's not being perfect which makes us human. I also categorize things because it makes it easier to talk about, but just because a poodle is a dog, doesn't make all dogs poodles. 

        I've dealt with this many times with so many people assuming that if you speak Spanish you must be Mexican. I've gotten all sorts of responses like: "Ugh, it's all the same," "Isn't El Salvador, like in Mexico?" "Well I'm usually right, when I call someone Mexican." or even worse yet with an attitude "Do you speak English?"

   The problem with labeling people as certain (and sometimes exclusively) things, then we lose the various dimensions that make up our world, and de-value aspects of people.

Tell me what you think. Let the discussion begin!

~@CathyArely