Le sigh...

So in the past few months this happened.

As well as...

Walking to the grocery store I came across a group of boys probably 13 years old and as they caught a glimpse of me me the usual phrases came out "hostia", "madre mia" then... "ahi va Moby Dick. Proceed to try to ignore along same road come across another group of boys a familiar routine essentially since middle school "oh there goes your girlfriend" "ugh hell no" Finally make it to the grocery store and then another probably about 10 years old is following me trying to sneakily take pictures from afar. When I finally notice that's what he's doing I stop look him in the eyes with a "what are you doing/what do you want" look and he goes away.

On my way to another grocery store trip I pass a group of kids that say "ahi va la gorda de ingles" (there goes the fat English teacher) and while waiting in line to pay for my groceries an elderly woman whispers to her husband "look she's actually eating salad"

 Let's not leave all of the fat shaming to the small town Spaniards...  While standing in front of a restaurant in London (shout out to the English speakers!) deciding if my friend and I should have dinner there, a complete stranger passing by said "Stop eating!!" While looking at some clothes in a store in Rome, the old lady that worked there made a point to come up and tell me "Those are one size only!!" (y que?!)

Walking home behind a group teenage boys...when rounding the corner one catches a glimpse of me and mumbles something to his friends. Then like dominoes they each turn around to take a look at me as I turn left and they carry on I hear the word 'enorme'

Walking home from the grocery store two little girls roughly 8 or 9 years old at the first glimpse of me burst into hysterical laughter (cackling that could be heard all along the empty streets of the main road during lunch time) pulling out there phones to take pictures, when I stopped and said "que pasa" they just looked at me like I'm far too busy being out of breath from continuing to laugh and snap pictures of you face.

Walking home about a block from my house a little boy is walking this dog with his mom just a few steps ahead of me. the boy gets a glimpse of me and tells his mom nervously "There's a monster following us" The only thing the mom says to the boy is "Don't worry, just keep walking"

I am not going to say that I have been unaffected by this because that would be a lie. After all of these incidences I still can't gain the understanding of how people can be like that. My child wasn't even that cruel and I had the nickname Caty-Faty (oh gotta love family) And some people might say well Cathy if you lost some weight then you could avoid unpleasant encounters such as the ones you are telling us about. But that is besides the point. I'm never going to be "supermodel" skinny and even then I'm sure mean people will find other things to be mean about. So being bullied into losing weight is not really my style.

I am not blind to the fact that I'm overweight, but I am totally mostly sometimes comfortable in my own skin, but however i decide to go about that is no one's concern much less their entertainment. There are definite days where i feel like I'm a circus animal, not cause of me but cause of them. It's me versus them . They started a game but on most days I feel like it's one where everybody loses. :-/

2014 (1) Nike Attitude

Here I am again in front a blank screen for a blank blog post that should soon be filled with witty and charming tales of my daily meandering around. The last time I hit "publish" on this blog was back in August, and even then several posts begin with a sincere apology for my absence since I know (hope) that the tiny little things I write inspire something (laughter, thoughtfulness...etc.) in those who read. This isn't the first time I've sat in front of this screen between my last post and now, it's just the time that I've decided to suck it up and write, the longer you prolong it the guiltier you'll feel. So here I am. I know it's not totally rational that I feel guilty when not writing things in my blog, and of course seeing things like this makes it even more sad.

2014 (0)

This blog started slow because I was crazy in my senior year of college, and I didn't really have time to fit in blogging in the mere 24 hours that we have in a day. Jump to my first year in Spain lots of posts leading up to my departure and the several (mis)adventures that popped up along the way. I was also churning out a lot of posts because I involved myself heavily in the blogging community, and wanted to give my readers something worth coming back to my page for. When I found my niche in Spain, it left less time for me to be blogging about the things I was doing, and instead I was just doing them. Comments and readers dwindled and so did the posting. Now we are in 2014, and I'm not really sure what the fate of this blog is. I don't think I have the heart to close it down completely, because it does give me a space to share my thoughts in a different way than I can on facebook and/or twitter, but I am not quite sure I have the same aspiration I did 3 years ago with having a super popular famous blog where everyone reads it, and not only my family. Even though there is a high number of page views on my blog I'm sure 80% of them are spambots from Russia. I also want to keep writing because I am a bit of a nostalgic person and having something to go back to is important.

It's funny though, I really thought that by living in rural Spain I'd write so much more! There weren't going to be lots of distractions like activities and lots of friends that I had in Madrid, and even a fellow writer friend of mine told me that what a lot of writers want is the time and space to write. That's what I got lots of time and plenty of quiet moments to just sit with a pen and a pad (or a blank blog screen) and just let the words flow from my brain to the page. It hasn't happened quite as I'd planned. I haven't been completely dry on the writing block. My poetry blog has had a few entries, and I'm excited that my Spanish skills are evolving to a place where I can write poems that aren't half bad.

I think part of my lack of motivation/ inspiration is partly due to this "fish out of water" feeling I sometimes have in my current place of living. I hadn't anticipated missing Madrid as much as I do, now that I am so close yet so far, and that in turn has occasionally not really allowed me to connect with the place that I live. It doesn't help that I commute to work so the friends I make at work are far away, and the friends I have where I live I can count on one hand (yeah, it could be much worse--- I've been much worse, but it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to :P ). It doesn't help that I have several moments like this in Navalmoral de la Mata, but I'm growing and learning to not shut down because of it.

But I guess with all things you want to accomplish you kinda have to put yourself in the Nike attitude (Just do it!) So that's what I'm doing--- Just do it (write!) Just do it (be happy!) Just do it (clean your room!... well) lol. I think it has also really helped me to take part in the #100HappyDays challenge. If you're curious to see what it is take a look at my fb album and check out www.100happydays.com.

That's all for now, let's hope you'll be reading me again soon! <3

Ciao Ciao

@CathyArely

A Magnolia Memoir

The hardest part sometimes when wanting to write is figuring out how to start.So I guess the most appropriate thing to do would be to start at the beginning. I've been away from blogging for a while and the reason (or in part) because I was a part of a play named after a flower.

Back in February word came out that the Madrid Players were going to do a production of Steel Magnolias. I got really excited because it's a story that is near and dear to my heart.... especially since my diabetic sister is planning her wedding, and I'm not available to be there. The other reason is because it's a great story about relationships you form, and having watched the movie a billion and one times, that story has made me laugh, cry, and everything in between. I wanted so badly to be a part of this production. I got even more excited when I found out the potential people I could be working with, including my good friend Parisa as the director.

So I found a monologue, went to the audition, and rocked it (despite other personal things going on in my life). The next day was emotional, and then I got the email, that despite being great, it was decided to go another direction. Though, I understood, thought it was logical, my heart sunk. Not only because I really wanted it, but because it was another moment to add to the endless list of times that I've been told "Yeah you'd be good but we want someone else" Not in those words... but the message is the same.

Then after two days of sulking on a trip to Asturias on a little day trip to Covadonga, I sat in a church in a cave and I prayed for the strength to overcome all of the emotions that were coming at me from every direction. Right then I got a text message from Parisa saying "call me when you can". I called her back immediately telling her sorry I couldn't get to her sooner, I didn't get good reception in the cave lol.

Then she starts "Well I wanted to ask you..." And right then and there I cut her off and said, "Yes, whatever you're going to ask me the answer is yes." Now that I think about it, it's a good thing she didn't ask me for a kidney lol. After lots of laughter, she offered me the part of Annelle and I accepted. Then the wonderful magical journey that was this production began.

I was so nervous and scared. This was the first full length non-musical play I'd ever done. I was working with absolutely gorgeous fabulous actresses that I look up to, and I had the slight taunting in my head that I was the 2nd choice (up until closing night). So I worked twice as hard, just like I always do, because everyday is a new opportunity to prove yourself, and (as Annelle would say) I guess it worked.

Being a part of this group was so much fun, because despite we had a lot of laughs that were scripted there were so many more real life laughs and smiles to go around. From rehearsal day one to closing night, and the marvelous pampering of getting made up for the show, you couldn't keep a smile from my face.

 I was ecstatic when Daryl Hannah (movie Annelle) replied to my tweet about being cast.

The long days of leaving the house at 8am and arriving at home an 12:30am were hard. Giving up Saturday night parties for Sunday morning rehearsals were all well worth it. The response to our play has been overwhelmingly positive, and people have even told me they're fans (still hard to conceive). I've always been famous in a small town, but famous in a big city is a whole other story...

So now all I can say is thank you, an enormous thank you to all of those involved to making this experience so marvelous and memorable and simply amazing. I can't begin to express my gratitude for being accepted into this little family. 

The tears came out during that final curtain call, because this chapter is over, and I'm left with uncertainty if I'll ever act on a Madrid stage again.Tears came out because of Mother's day and being on the other side of the world not having seen my momma in nearly 2 years. Tears of joy came out because all of our hard work paid off. 

I have  ticket to head to California on the 4th of July, and these next few weeks are going to be for the people who I've had to tell I was busy for the last 3 months, and I'm glad to be back. There are still so many reference following me around reminding me of this beautiful experience. It makes my heart swell to think about the bonds I've made becoming a Steel Magnolia. I know I am a blessed woman, and I'll try my best to live in the moment, and simply enjoy. 

~Cathy

Annelle

Photo Slideshow of the show here.

Hey Hey I'm back or Oh my back!

So I'm gonna tell the truth... (like I always do of course...) I started this blog post at the beginning of February already embarrassed that as it was because for 2012 I only had one blog entry. I guess breaking resolutions isn't exclusive to weight loss.

In terms of the title there have been moments in my absence there have been other words I've wanted to use that end with ck... (Of course I mean duck...my 7th and 8th graders are talking about animals). Actually things have been pretty rough lately, and that also has to do with my being away from my wonderful public for so long. I didn't want to contaminate all of your good vibes y'all got going.

So the short version of the story one of my roommates kind of got into it with the rest of them, which created an atmosphere where you could cut the tension with a knife. All the negativity around me really affected me along with all of the bad luck and still not catching a break, it really created a Cathy that I didn't recognize. I lost my monthly bus pass (due to a definite dazed girl moment), my phone wasn't working to call the insurance company to deal with more hassle to get things done to investigate on my back, and every situation that came my way was not seen through the normal Cathy rose colored lense.

All of the pressures coming from different directions and my own change of thoughts led to me not pulling through with the Vagina Monologues, which I'm still not sure if it was the best decision but at the moment I'm determined more than ever to not be this sad person who I don't know. This sad person who bursts into tears on the bus ride home for reasons unknown to me.

BUT...

THE GOOD NEWS....

 I'm currently taking a part of a show choir, which is doing a show at the end of April and through that I'm learning a lot of things and getting the chance to get a blast from the past with my performance days. Also all of these experiences have led me to be able to bring to light a better talent, NEW POETRY! 

I also have my room all mounted which means a long awaited new house tour soon to come.

Alas I'll leave you for now loves gotta work tomorrow, but here's to a brighter day (despite my arguments with the weather here and what I'm used to in Cali).

Much love ~ Hasta Pronto~

~Cathy