Le sigh...

So in the past few months this happened.

As well as...

Walking to the grocery store I came across a group of boys probably 13 years old and as they caught a glimpse of me me the usual phrases came out "hostia", "madre mia" then... "ahi va Moby Dick. Proceed to try to ignore along same road come across another group of boys a familiar routine essentially since middle school "oh there goes your girlfriend" "ugh hell no" Finally make it to the grocery store and then another probably about 10 years old is following me trying to sneakily take pictures from afar. When I finally notice that's what he's doing I stop look him in the eyes with a "what are you doing/what do you want" look and he goes away.

On my way to another grocery store trip I pass a group of kids that say "ahi va la gorda de ingles" (there goes the fat English teacher) and while waiting in line to pay for my groceries an elderly woman whispers to her husband "look she's actually eating salad"

 Let's not leave all of the fat shaming to the small town Spaniards...  While standing in front of a restaurant in London (shout out to the English speakers!) deciding if my friend and I should have dinner there, a complete stranger passing by said "Stop eating!!" While looking at some clothes in a store in Rome, the old lady that worked there made a point to come up and tell me "Those are one size only!!" (y que?!)

Walking home behind a group teenage boys...when rounding the corner one catches a glimpse of me and mumbles something to his friends. Then like dominoes they each turn around to take a look at me as I turn left and they carry on I hear the word 'enorme'

Walking home from the grocery store two little girls roughly 8 or 9 years old at the first glimpse of me burst into hysterical laughter (cackling that could be heard all along the empty streets of the main road during lunch time) pulling out there phones to take pictures, when I stopped and said "que pasa" they just looked at me like I'm far too busy being out of breath from continuing to laugh and snap pictures of you face.

Walking home about a block from my house a little boy is walking this dog with his mom just a few steps ahead of me. the boy gets a glimpse of me and tells his mom nervously "There's a monster following us" The only thing the mom says to the boy is "Don't worry, just keep walking"

I am not going to say that I have been unaffected by this because that would be a lie. After all of these incidences I still can't gain the understanding of how people can be like that. My child wasn't even that cruel and I had the nickname Caty-Faty (oh gotta love family) And some people might say well Cathy if you lost some weight then you could avoid unpleasant encounters such as the ones you are telling us about. But that is besides the point. I'm never going to be "supermodel" skinny and even then I'm sure mean people will find other things to be mean about. So being bullied into losing weight is not really my style.

I am not blind to the fact that I'm overweight, but I am totally mostly sometimes comfortable in my own skin, but however i decide to go about that is no one's concern much less their entertainment. There are definite days where i feel like I'm a circus animal, not cause of me but cause of them. It's me versus them . They started a game but on most days I feel like it's one where everybody loses. :-/

4 Walls

Hey Hey all,

   So as I lay here tying up loose ends getting ready to transport myself from one room to the next room, I thought I'd share a recent work of mine that I did for a project called APOEM (A Piece of Everyone's Mind), which is a spoken word group where people call out others and give them topics for the poem they post the next day. 

    So I've written poetry before, but this was my first attempt at spoken word, and as I explained to my friend the other day in the analogy-- I sing, but I've never rapped before. So without further ado here's my poem, be nice lol.

What is a room, but 4 walls that hold together the meaning of my existence? 

Or nonexistence…

Memories of bouncing on a bed so high it’s like you’re floating on a cloud

Floating away into space

A space, A place where my treasures are held.

Or were held…

Take a deep breath and intake the aroma of coconut lotion and Britney Spear’s fantasy.

A fantasy of being SOMEONE out there in the big bad world.

Without a room but two small suitcases more like cannons filled with clothes and shoes.

Shoes that walk the path unseen 6000 miles to four more walls.

In my mind and on my shelves are the things worth remembering, and the forgotten.

Pass your fingers across the dust on a library of knowledge and emotions over days months and years gone by

And just gone.

Stop and listen closely to the beats these four walls have heard from Pitbull to Phantom of the Opera.

Not forgetting to let the beat rock or bed rock.

Cramming and jamming off the walls into the headphones of my portable mp3 player.

5 senses minus one leaves four.

Taking them all in or all out.

There is no room to be called mine

Except in my mind, which has more walls than four

And the epitome of my international existence.

Thanks for reading/listening/watching! Next broadcast will be from my new home!

~Cat